more than you
Today, and maybe not for the first time, it occurred to me that throughout the time we've shared together, that I most likely have always loved you more than you have I. It was an interrupting cow-"MOO" kind of thought that just popped up like a jack-in-the-box surprise as I was mindlessly scrolling through emails on my phone on the couch. And out of nowhere, just like that, it suddenly dawned on me: I love you more than you love me. I then asked myself, "was this always the case?" And maybe it wasn't. But I've been carrying this feeling around for almost two years, and today it refused to be ignored. I wanted to start crying when it sank in, repeating to myself "he doesn't love me as much as I love him. He never has." My heart felt broken. But I didn't cry, I can't cry, not now. It's too inconvenient at the moment. I'll cry later.